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| My friends: I know you all have noticed that I been back on email, MSN and around. I thank you for missing me. I figure its time for me to fess up a bit so get some coffee and sit a minute We have been mailing each other one reason or another now for almost 15 years. I think the humor list has been around about 13 years. NONE of you are new to me. Everyone here I have known many years, online and off. Those of you I never met are just as dear to me as those I have. I know your wives, your husbands, your kids. I have talked to you on the phone, voice chat, the cam. I have been there with you through marriage and divorce, births and deaths. You all the same for me You are all used to me disappearing a few months then come back without explanation. You listen to me cry about how bad I feel I cant keep commitments, beat up on myself, shut myself in my own world and you accept me back each and every time. I figure I will just come clean Someone told me that they cant be my friend if I don't allow it. I never thought about that. I have been told before that I seem to not need anyone. That's so not true. I am the most DEPENDENT and scary person I know! I always feel people are busy, they have things going on and the last thing they need is something else to worry about. So when I do talk to anyone, its only when I feel well enough to put on my bullsh8t laugh and smile and able to cover up how I actually feel and whats going on You have called me, emailed me and come by my house all these years. I recall when I was on steroids once before, at such a high dose I could not sleep and had to sit in a chair all night. Many of you took shifts to keep me company and be there for me. That did so much for me and I guess I tend to forget. I just felt bad that anyone had to take a minute out their busy day to bother with me Well, I have been really sick. Its the same drama as always, its just always been worse then I guess I say it is. I just don't see the point in anyone else hearing me cry and whine. I have always been the one that others lean on, so how can I be strong when I appear weak to others I recently spent some time in the hospital. My colon needs to be removed but we are trying everything possible to save it. The remainder of my digestive track, from my mouth to the ... End is also bad. You know over the years I lose my voice often and it has gotten much worse. Its not that I just don't answer you or call you back. Its actually physically impossible for me to talk sometimes. Removing the colon will help a lot and hopefully it will be many years, if at all, before the rest has to be aggressively dealt with That is just that one part. Of course you know me, when something can go wrong it does haha. I try to blog as much as I can on myspace and you do NOT need to be a member to read it. So any time you want to know more, or less, you can go or not go check it out. I apologize for appearing to cut you off, block you out, be rude, mean or anything else I have been told. I simply felt I was failing you as a friend and it was best I just left as always. We all live and learn RIGHT NOW I agree that I have not been the best friend and have not allowed you to be mine. I hope to do better. I just ask your patience and understanding. Remember too I am a girl so tomorrow this can all change hehe Thank you for listening to me, please accept my apology and again, I hope to do better. I still will be as silly as always because I am naturally foolish and usually always happy. So don't be mad at me for making light or myself, its just my way Ok, there I said it! I do need you, I do miss you, I do think of you and I hope now you happy I got all mushy. Update me with irc chat and I will be there. Feel free add this MSN. For my forwards buddies...where are the emails with the naked midgets? Hahahaha Now back to being silly and having some fun. No more worrying and questions about us cause we all good!
KEEP UP WITH ME:
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Friday, May 1, 2009
Personal
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