DA BOYS

Ya know I started blogging again to make it easier to for people to keep up with the kids but I find myself using it to vent so often I dont post about the kids haha

After months of lying about everything there is to lie about, AJ has finally realized that in the end I win haha. I totally get that he is a teen, cant control his temper, doesnt fully understand the importance of education all the time and all of that. I still have to do my best in order to satisfy myself that I have done all I can in order to help him become a productive and happy adult

After totally taking his life away, he has started to bring up his grades and stop bullying his brothers so much. In return he is now allowed to watch tv again, earn 1 hour of game time through the week, same as tyler and taylor, and also have a semi life with friends

Tyler was having real trouble in school and trouble at home. I still am unsure why but I think its because he doesnt get enough attention. He and I now watch movies again together, we talk and AJ tries to include him more into things he does and not alienate him so

Taylor is just always in his own world. It is so scary to me as he lets anyone say or do anything to him until he finally just explodes. He is still so friendly though, that even when he is called a nigger and the kids laugh, he doesnt see it as something wrong. He just thinks thats their way of having fun and its ok as long as he is not truly hurt. My son, my son...

Terry is such a riot he should really be on tv. He loves to hear himself talk. He makes faces , sings, dances and pretty much all the cute things all 2 years old do. I think him having 3 older brothers that totally spoil him worse then I do, is the reason he is now having trantrums. I certainly hope he gets over it soon

Anthony is still at his same job and still working over time since I loss my pay. He is always tired and never goes anywhere at all anymore. Although with his Christmas bonus from work, he is trying to get the van fixed. We havent been able to go anywhere as a family for almost 2 years now. The man can and towed it tonight and I hope its not anything too serious and too expensive

I havent updated pics in a long while as that baby had broken the digital camera some time ago. Our friend Bill had just gotten us a new one the day before Thanksgiving and we are not quite used to having it around again haha. As soon as I get a chance, I will update pisca with the latest photos

I hope you enjoyed my little update, although not much. I am glad to say there has been no drama since Terrys scare with RSV a few weeks ago and I am praying for an uneventful Christmas

HAPPY HOLLIDAYS

Yup, this really is my life: You are me and I am you

Yup, this really is my life: You are me and I am you

You are me and I am you

I have been making plans to leave Anthony and take the boys and move to Texas in June. I have investigated as much as I possibly could the last 7 years, as that's how long I have been wanting to move there. Yet, Anthony always says NO and he is the head of the house. However, this year I had a scare and felt I really need to be around family For six weeks I had been very will. My colitis was having an all out flair and it was sending my fibromyalgia on a world wind flair of its own I was bleeding from every hole in my body, so much so that I would wake up covered in blood from one place or another. My bowels were so bad I could not hold them the ten feet to my toilet. Anything and everything was making me nauseous and I spent most of my day on the toilet with a garbage bag infront of me I was so very weak that I could hardly walk anymore. I had lost 15 pounds in 10 days and I was so dehydrated that the skin was peeling off my body like a shedding snake. My hair was coming out again, the little that I had left and my spirits were so low that if I knew 100% for sure that I would die without pain from an overdose of anything I had, I would've taken it Anthony had tried to be so understanding during this time. Every week or so he would bring me 2 dozen roses, yellow and red. I would sit them by my bed and cry. Cry that this is the man I was leaving and cry that I could not go out and get my own roses Yet his concern and wonderful gesture did not change the fact that I felt as if I was falling apart. I finally decided to go ahead to the hospital, called my brother and he told me that he could not come out. He then told me that my sister had closed on her house and he had to sand her floors for her to move in Was I hearing this correctly? He knew I was sick already as I spoke to him weeks before. When he told me that he had to do some things in order for her home to pass inspection for close. Now she had closed. Now he tells me that her floors are more important then my health and my kids. This is what I heard anyway This is the main reason I feel I need to move to Texas. As the family we have there I FEEL would not have done that. I think they love us enough to say "you get to the hospital, Anthony you go to work as I know you cant lose this job, the kids will be taken care of one way or another". That is what I would expect family to say. Since we have no family here to say that, the only other family we have is in texas Well, Anthony and I were talking the other night about everything and I asked him why he loved me. Not if he did, as I knew he did, but why. Each holiday I so long for my family yet even my own mother doesn't speak to me. I think I must be some type of monster and its my most insecure time of the year. My brother tells me how special I am and how he brags to other people about me, as I so love the world and care about everyone and would do anything for anyone. Yet the only person in my family that I know loves me and my kids would rather sand floors then help me get well Anyway, Anthony says the reasons are so many he can not mention. I thought this to be just crap and I asked him once again. I asked him was it because I was putting the kids before him in wanting to move. As I know that is wrong. I asked was it because I was putting me before him in wanting to move. As I could not be that ill again and not seek medical treatment in fear that my kids would end up in foster care He tells me that "I am you and you are me. Without each other we would simply exist." Well, this was so very clear to me. We ended up talking all night, crying all night and holding one another all night. Just how many times can one fall in love with the same person? I had a moment of weakness being so ill and around Halloween, thanksgiving and Christmas. I am back to reality now. Anthony and my kids are my family. As Anthony said, it was he that was at St Annes hospital with me before we were even married. By my side while I was taking all those tests. Holding me as the tests made me more sick then the illness at times. It was he that found a way to take care of anything that I could not. It was I that made him feel good, feel loved, feel whole and yes, it was he that did that for me. As long as he has known me, my family has never been there for me. Not when I was trying to find out what was wrong with me, not when my kids were born, not when I have been ill, not when I bought my first home or anything. I no longer will be moving to Texas or anywhere else that my husband does not wish to move. The fear of being alone when I am sick, the fear of having no one to help with my kids, the fear of the impending pain that comes with the winter months, the possibilities that might await my children in a warmer climate and around people that love and care for them...all of this is just not enough to make me leave my husband. You are me and I am you