When there is not light at the end of the tunnel ...

Current mood: pain   You know how most people will always tell you not to worry about what you are going through now, as its always a light at the end of the tunnel? God wont put on you more then you can handle and all that stuff? Well, what do you do when there is no light at the end of the tunnel?   In order to have hope, we must believe that against all odds there is some slim chance that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. After over 30 years of pain the only hope I hold onto now is knowing that there is a God and there is a heaven. That is my hope   I used to think that by my 20s I would enjoy college, go to pool parties with my friends, start my career and all. After that decade came and went I then changed my dreams. Just to be able to have a family and enjoy them to the fullest. Then that decade came and went. The pain has been relentless. You must know when I speak of pain, I mean all the symptoms that go along with fibromyalgia, all of it. The pain is just always at the forefront or never very far for very long   I have no problem adapting to my situation. I learned this very early in life. I can change my life and goals midstream and never regret it. The key is to CHANGE it. Not to be unrealistic and hold onto something that is not working   Yet, what do you do when there is no light at the end of the tunnel other then death itself? Its not like I mind a whole lot, I do not fear death. I know then I will not be in pain. Yet what if I live another 40 years. Is this what I am to look forward to?   What do you do when there is no light at the end of the tunnel other then death?                            Our Radio Stream = www.pumpupthebass.com  You dont need anything special to listen, just tune in to the site at anytime to listen to LIVE Djs, chat and make requests. You might just hear me on! http://www.myspace.com/pumpupthebassradio http://groups.myspace.com/pumpupthebass http://www.yuwie.com/pumpupthebass/            CHECK THESE OUT!!! Upgrade your Wii and other consoles now! Check out how: http://www.upgradeyourconsole.net/ Order handmade soaps, candle, gift baskets and more: : http://www.stitchesnsuds.com/ The most beautiful pictures I have seen of just everyday life, you must order one!  http://papawsimages.smugmug.com/

I still have to be me

After someone read my blog and said it made them feel worse I was going to just stop blogging. I felt that I would rather die then hurt someone. Then I had to think about it, thats not my issue. Its how that person deals with their life I know I get very down at times thinking about all the things I can not do with my kids. Yet that is human nature. We always tend to focus on the bad things first and not see the blessings right infront of us. In hard times, its hard to count those blessings. Its just human nature, I am not perfect, trust me, I can not walk on water. if you can, bless you I do feel terrible for myself and anyone else in the world whos life is not going their way. I cry a lot about not being able to get out the bed and do things I want to. Yet I forget my friend who is now paralyzed and can no longer do things he wants to either. Or my online friend who is also recently paralyzed, has a small child and can not do what he wants to either Sure, we all get down about it. Cry, whine, the world isnt fair. Then we get past that rough spot and see the fact. The fact that WE ARE HERE. We are still here to even see, hear, love...live. That is most important As long as I can take a breath, even though my next blog will almost totally contradict this haha, I will thank my father in heaven for allowing me that oppurtunity. Another chance to see my almost 3 year old finally be able to tell a knock knock joke after 2 years of trying. A chance to see my 16 year old riding a bike after never learning in his entire life. A chance to see all of my children grow, learn, look through their eyes in wonderment, joy even their dissapointment. I AM HERE TO DO IT! I have to live my life for me and mine and I urge you all to find a way to live yours. Hopefully we will all continue to share, learn, love and most of all live. Live to whatever ability we can for that day, that hour or that minute if it must be that way. I will continue to pray for us all             Our Radio Stream = www.pumpupthebass.com  You dont need anything special to listen, just tune in to the site at anytime to listen to LIVE Djs, chat and make requests. You might just hear me on! http://www.myspace.com/pumpupthebassradio http://groups.myspace.com/pumpupthebass http://www.yuwie.com/pumpupthebass/            CHECK THESE OUT!!! Upgrade your Wii and other consoles now! Check out how: http://www.upgradeyourconsole.net/ Order handmade soaps, candle, gift baskets and more: : http://www.stitchesnsuds.com/ The most beautiful pictures I have seen of just everyday life, you must order one!  http://papawsimages.smugmug.com/