How many times do we hear this? I am unsure how I feel about this statement. Although it's very true, people always throw that in your face when you are having a hard time. To tell you not to worry, complain or have a second though. Although yes, your baby just died, be thankful you still have 2 more.
Well I don't feel bad about telling about my hardships. All those people that never tell, because they feel someone IS always worse off then them, then go cry, do drugs or kill themselves because they feel so alone and had no one to talk to, I try to always encourage to also talk. I get many people that tell me they appreciate me telling them my story and I been asked to write a book for the last 15 years. If you feel you can not talk to me...BLOG! haha
So, this is the latest. You know we started a business some years back, that did nothing but help the partner of it and drain us. During this time, we decided to switch our personal finance to the business CPA and let her handle it all. During those 3 years, she totally phucked up our taxes and got us in big trouble with the IRS. Since her hubby is some big shot lawyer, she told us that she would not be responsible for the money we owed and to take her to court. The IRS said that we would indeed have to take her to court and we would have to pay for it out our own pocket. You know we ended up not going to court right?
We agreed to pay $50 a month for the rest of our lives on the years she screwed us on. Total is about $3500 I think. This year, I missed 2 payments. I missed one payment in order to buy the kids boots but I did make it up the next month. Then I missed one payment 11 months ago, I am sure for some similar reason. They are now saying we defaulted and want to garnish anthonys check for the full amount due
After we got this news, maybe 2 days later, we found out that anthonys bonus check was not as much as we had hoped. We had already put the van in the shop and already bought the kids some socks, boots, Taylor some pants and the AJ a coat. Now we were screwed and not sure how we would get the van out the shop
While thinking about this, the following day AJ comes to tell me that everything in the freezer is melting. I thought it was because they didn't close it right the night before and told him to make sure it was closed tightly and we would check in the morning. That morning all the meat was thawed and smelling. Anthony had to work late and told Joe to take everything out and put it in the garage until he got home. Joe only took the things left in the freezer and left everything in the fridge. By the time Anthony got home, now all that was spoiled
He was too tired that night to do anything so the following day, we put our refrigerator out in the trash and bought in the landlords loud, old, piece of crap fridge. At least it worked though right? Anthony went and bough a few things to hold us over but Tyler was so afraid it would all spoil, he put it in the freezer. So now the eggs are frozen, the cheese and all the little things Anthony had bought. I am hoping this will not affect anything but too depressed to go online and look it all up right now
All of this might now usually send me into such a spiraling depression as it has, but to top things off, comcast shut off our cable. Saying we used over 500g of bandwidth. My computer has had trouble for some weeks not being able to stay online but I had been too sick to fix it. It turns out that someone hacked the router, they think, and was using our bandwidth. Still comcast says this is not their issue, but ours. Each customer is responsible for their own line and if it happens again we lose our inet for 12 months
Immediately I called around to see what other options we have only to find out we still dont have any. The only thing out here is some satellite company that I never heard of that wants $348 to install and $70 a month or either dial up. So now I am so afraid to use my pc that I can hardly think. At a time when I truly need it most
AJ has been failing 4 classes all semester. He needs the computer in order to do much of his homework. For the first time since I have been an adult, we have no console game at all. No ps2, no xbox, no nothing. So the computer is also the only form of entertainment the boys have. Sure there are things they can do offline, but since these are my kids, and their real father is probably Gateway, they know way too much to be limited
We are still sleeping on an air mattress which is just like sleeping on the floor. My back and bercitis in my hip is always bad now, keeping me from walking much most days. My fibromyalgia is so flared by not being able to ever rest and get comfortable, many days I wake up with bruises all over my body and no idea how they got there. We only have one couch that not really torn up but its also so very hard, it doesnt help much even when I lay all the comforters on it
We did get many blessings, don't think I am unaware and not thankful.
- Terry contracted RSV and needed a breathing machine. Not 2 days before we had gotten our deposit back from the gas company and just had enough to pay for it
- I have been so ill the last 4 months that I can hardly walk most days now without falling, tripping, my skin is peeling, my hair and nails are all but gone, my teeth are still falling out, the pain from the colitis and fms is so bad that I cry even when I dont know, even in my sleep I am told YET, as much as I want to die and hate God night I lay my body down, I praise him the next morning to allow me to wake again
- AJ looks like he will only fail 2 classes instead of 4 thanks to our nonstop getting on him
- we got a Christmas tree and some lights and ornaments donated to us and then I also got a call from the kids school that they will be bringing them presents tomorrow. Which is good as we only have a clock from the thriftstore for tyler and taylor, some blocks for Terry and have an mp3 player for each of the boys we got some months back
- A wonderful woman at the kids school that was helping with the clothing drive this year, found Tyler and Taylor winter coats and hats. So this is the first year that we dont feel like lose parents for not being able to get all their things at once.
- if nothing else happens, we will be able to pay all our bills this month, stay on our payment plans and eat comfortably. Although we are still buying locks for the fridge and the pantry because we just can no longer even afford to have the boys get an apple without asking. At least we were able to buy apples again for the last few weeks
- The angel from the kids school also got Terry some clothes. So now he has a coat, a jacket and enough shirts and pants to change all week. We only had to buy him socks
- although my sister n law and her kids are in texas now, and my baby sister angie and her kids, I have learned to talk to them without crying because I miss them so. I have also explained to them that no matter how I feel, I will still call. If they cant deal with the toilet flushing, my voice cracking or having to whisper from being so sore from puking, they can then tell me to call them back, but I will no longer put them off. This has been ok with them and all my friends so far
- my older sister closed on her first home and that in itself brought me joy. Although not a blessing to me directly, I think it still is as I am so happy for her as if it happened to me
You see, we are truly blesses, I know it and am very thankful for what we do have, what we don't have and the trials that God sends us through. I think we are one of the most awesome families I know. Our kids are smart, healthy, loving and yet we are all silly enough to still enjoy life. I sometimes sit back and look around at all we dont have, the house which is never clean, the kids which never have nice clothes to wear and I just smile. I am so doggone happy I feel guilty at times.
Anthonys aunt came over some months ago after not seeing her for years. Her husband had told her to prepare herself for how we were living but stated that we were happy. She later to mentioned to me that we were some of the happiest people she knew, that I was spoiled by anthony and the boys and that we were so very, very blessed. She told me it was nothing wrong with feeling so happy and took a lot of guilt off me
So yeah, there is always someone worse off then you somewhere. If not living, dead. Still here is my life. I don't feel bad for telling it, I am glad that those that I tell it to thank me for sharing and it helps them with theirs and I feel bad for you if you still feel you must keep everything inside. Share your life with someone else so that they may learn through you. As a wise Keysha Cole once said "we dont have to learn so hard. you can look at the people around you and listen to what others have to say and not do those things they did"
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