com·plain
[kuhm-pleyn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –verb (used without object) | 1. | to express dissatisfaction, pain, uneasiness, censure, resentment, or grief; find fault: He complained constantly about the noise in the corridor. |
| 2. | to tell of one's pains, ailments, etc.: to complain of a backache. |
| 3. | to make a formal accusation: If you think you've been swindled, complain to the police. |
So, lets take #1 to start with. Ok the noise in the hallway is deafening. Its really bothering this person, maybe causing them a migraine or they need to get a paper done for school and can't think. So they complain to whoever can fix this. Is that not the right thing to do? Or is the key word CONSTANTLY
#2 really gets me all the time. I have supposed loved ones always ask me, "how do you feel today". I view this now as a trick question. If I tell the truth, I am complaining, yet again. If I say I am just feeling just great, or even something generic like "I am blessed, how are you?". That is supposed to mean that by some miraculous feet I have been cured of all previous ailments, am never again to mention anything in the future and if I do tell the truth, oh my bad... COMPLAIN again, then I lied before
#3 just doesnt pertain to my complaint today. So tell me, with all honesty. Did I just miss the the brain cell about telling the truth vs complaining? I try so hard to grasp this for years, yet it is a mystery to me
My aunt tells me if I am down and feeling low to call her. She wants to see me better and will do anything to help. So after 4 straight days of diarrhea so bad and so often that I have no skin on my butt left, being so nauseas I can hardly open my mouth without saliva drooling out and fighting back the urge to puke, after going through this while in a full blown fibromyalgia attack so bad that I go back to daily pain medication and again cursing God for allowing me to wake up another day in misery (please dont judge me on that one) I call her and say...
"Every since that day you guys were here, I just been sick nonstop. I dont know what it is, or maybe if its just a flair but I am feeling mentally and physically drained now. I just want to talk to someone that knows what I am going through and hear how they get through times when its hard". You know, just a little encouragement. I am crying, snot running down my nose, I was bending over holding my stomach in pain and about to scream. Instead I get "well if it wears you out so much for us to come over, we just wont come over again"
At this point my eyes widened and I my heart dropped. I thought my aunt, helping as many people as she did, would understand what its like to live a life of pain and misery and sometimes just need a little help.
Maybe its because I dont have cancer and dying like everyone else so she cant understand. Maybe its because when she asks me how am I tolerating the medication or how I feel, I actually answer with the truth. Maybe its because I am just not understanding the difference between COMPLAINING and BEING JUST TOO PHUCKING HONEST
Either way, I now feel alone once again. To have only my hubby and kids understand what its like for me. My brother understands as he has been here so long now he has seen what I go through. My girlfriend understands as she has Chrones, fibromyalgia and children as I do. I think maybe no one will understand until they go through it.
To understand that to just sit up and pretend to smile when every inch of my body is shaking from pain, to sit is almost as painful as giving birth and to put on that great positive outlook and attitude to laugh and relate to them takes such effort that it is physically and mentally draining.
Now, am I complaining? Or I am simply stating the facts? I am a liar if I dont say how I truly feel when asked but then I go throw up or either I am complaining if I say how I feel but then they asked!
I find myself once again going into my own world. My own shell. To get away from such people that say such things and then make me lose hope, make me hurt and feel so alone. I pray that I do not do this again but I am unsure how to stop it
My aunt tells me that things in our past make us sick in our present. That we need to let go of hate, hurt and pain in order to move forward and feel physically and mentally better. Yet everyone thats meets me or my family thinks we are the happiest people they have ever met. I feel so happy most of the time that I feel bad when I talk to people that are having such a hard time about the same issues all the time
Yes, we are poor, we have nothing and lucky to still be paying our rent. Yet that is worrisome but I would rather sing a song with the kids and laugh then cry about that. I would rather watch Dr Phil with hubby and laugh at him talk about all the drama. I choose to just play music and watch the baby do his chicken dance instead of crying about the rent thats not due for another 10 days, or revisit my rape , my molestation etc.
I think if I had not accepted that I have no mother or father, the things that all happened from birth that they openly admit to, I dont think I could love as I do now. I help other rape victims, I counsel all my friends, I have more common sense then most I know and I think its because of the life I made it through so far. If I still had not forgiven those people and moved on, I would not be able to be as happy as I am or even help those I do.
I have been sick since before I can think. I guess even as a child that has led no life as of yet, I was so miserable and so hurt I gave myself colitis, fibromyalgia, asthma, allergies and my life has been so miserable still I just developed arthritis. Yet amazingly it as my site wounds as most of the free world. I must have been just a miserable soul in heaven as I was born with cariac arrhythmia
Those are things I can not change... the past. I also can only control the future so much. So therefor I just prefer to live for today and enjoy what I can. I know first hand that at 1p I might be ready to conquer the world and at 1:15p I am in the toilet again praying this disease is not hereditary and I dont pass this awful mess to my children
Oh well. Complaining or just stating the facts. I dont know the difference still and if those dictionary definitions are true, especially #2, then I guess I complain. I wont tell anyone else anything and will just complain here. hahahaha
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